Rainbow Bagels: They Look like a Unicorn, Taste Like 💩

The bagel was sugary yet flavorless, the beautiful twirls of colors wasted on what tasted far from the rainbow I expected. I had to scrape the cream cheese onto a regular piece of bread to get the grossly bland flavor out of my mouth…

Bored of regular New York bagels and coffee after just one month of living in Brooklyn, I decided to venture out and sample something special. Somehow Googling “glitter coffee” took me to the The Bagel Store’s website. I couldn’t find what I was looking for but the words “rainbow bagels” and “the bagel that broke the internet” combined with pictures of crazy colors had me intrigued. I just had to try one but I didn’t want to do it alone.

I got to their store at 754 Metropolitan Ave way too easily, already worrying that if the bagels tasted as good as they looked I’d be tempted to hop on the L train for 15 minutes for a fresh taste of the rainbow every single day. Perpetually early, I got there with time to spare and was disappointed to find that the place was tiny and hot. But at least there was an empty seat for me to sit in while a waited!

After just five minutes of me waiting the two men behind the counter started eyeing me and I overheard one asking if I had ordered anything. It was my first experience of New Yorkers being rude and it made me squirm in my seat, going out of my way to check my watch, sigh and pretend to text so that it was clear that I’m waiting for someone. Why else would someone sit in an non-airconditioned bagel store in the middle of a heat wave?

Five more minutes passed, I made accidental eye contact with the staff who didn’t return my smile, so I got up and waited in the doorway which provided a pleasant breeze and was slightly less awkward. My friend finally arrived and we went in to buy some bagels, “to-go” of course, to avoid the heat of the place and the coldness of the staff.

I ate the bagels a few hours later at home after toasting them on the stove, taking some pretty pictures and slathering them in tofu cream cheese. A sweet stuffy smell filled the kitchen but my hopes were still high… until my third bite. The bagel was sugary yet flavorless, the beautiful twirls of colors wasted on what tasted far from the rainbow I expected. I had to scrape the cream cheese onto a regular piece of bread to get the grossly bland flavor out of my mouth. They should call it the bagel that broke the planet after a tsunami of colorful bread clogged up toilets and overflowed landfills.

Despite the unpleasant experience with the store, the staff and the rainbow bagel itself, I plan on returning to give their glitter bagel a chance. Now that my expectations are so low, nothing can disappoint me. Right? Plus I still haven’t tried edible glitter and since I can’t find a sparkling coffee anywhere, a blinged out bagel will have to do for the time being.

All in all, I recommend the rainbow bagel if you’re an Instagrammer or just want to check it off your bucket list like I did. Please don’t feed it to any birds, unless you hate them and want them to die. Just keep in mind that crows never forget a human face and will get revenge if you torture them with this rainbow 💩.

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