No one can argue that Teslas aren’t impressive cars that look sexy AF. But have you ever wondered about owning a Tesla in an apocalypse? How would an EV (electric vehicle) fare if the world was ending? Would owning a Tesla give you a fighting chance at survival? Or would the decision of purchasing a fully electric vehicle be the last regret you have as you die a painful apocalyptic death? Use my referral link to receive 1,000 free Supercharger miles with the purchase and delivery of a new Tesla car, or earn a $100 award after system activation by purchasing or subscribing to solar panels.
Tesla in an Apocalypse: Bioweapon Defense Mode
At first glance, a Tesla seems like a great choice as an apocalyptic vehicle. Why? Because it has Bioweapon Defense Mode. Duh! It was featured in a scene of the popular TV show, The Affair.
Yes, with the click of a button, Bioweapon Defense Mode will protect everyone in the car from a variety of dangers. These range from bioweapon chemicals, as the name suggests, but also fumes, allergens and airborne pathogens. So depending on the apocalypse scenario, this could be a life-or-death function.
Short Range: Where to Charge?
So Teslas are 100% electric which means that you need to charge them in order to drive. Without power, you won’t even be able to click that fun Bioweapon Defense Mode button that we just discussed. Uh oh. So how far can a Tesla get you if you’re trying to out-drive zombies? That depends on the model, but the 2021 Model X will get you as far as 371. As long as it’s warm outside… just pray for no winter apocalypses because the miles dwindle faster when it’s cold.
So if the issue at hand is a sudden Ice Age, you’ll have a better chance at surviving if you find a huge acorn – but then you’ll have to fight Scrat for it.
Even if it’s warm outside, charging is a bit of an issue. From watching the Walking Dead, I can say for a fact that there will be bad people and zombies waiting for you at the Tesla charging station. They will hide in the bushes and jump out to kill you, torture you or bore you will long ‘I’m the bad guy, fear me’ speeches.
Fun Anecdote Time
Once upon a time, we had a bit of a windy day in Rhode Island. A few trees fell on a few power lines and poof, the electricity was out for almost a day. We had not been anticipating a power outage as we were too busy prepping for an apocalypse, so we hadn’t charged the car. So we woke up in a hot house with all our frozen food melting and only had 10 miles of charge to find a generator and return home. It’s a small state and we lived near Lowes so we managed. But there was a lot of sweating and temptation to charge our car with a gas-powered generator.
So, the scenarios are as follows:
- You find a generator, siphon gas from a car and use it to power your EV and hope it doesn’t explode.
- You figure out a way to make other Teslas charge your Tesla which would give you miles until you run out of Teslas to siphon from.
- You get murdered while crying at the Tesla charger because you realized that Teslas suck in an apocalypse.
The great news is, some Tesla goes from 0 to 60 in under 3 seconds and they can drive FAST. So before you die due to your inability to charge your electric car that you paid $40,000+ for, you get to accelerate really quickly, breath super fresh air and you can run over a lot of zombies very quickly. The Tesla will make it harder by beeping at you and warning you that you are hitting zombies with its eight surround cameras and 12 ultrasonic sensors, in addition to forward-facing radar with enhanced processing capabilities, which makes it a tad less satisfying.
Summary: Tesla in an Apocalypse
Teslas are amazing cars and we love ours. You can read all about it here. But in an apocalypse, having a Tesla would really REALLY suck. Why? Fine, I’ll summarize, but you could also just scroll up and read what I just wrote. A Tesla in an Apocalypse would protect you from dangerous chemicals, smoke, etc. as long as you have enough charge. Once you’re out of electricity, you are pretty much screwed. But let’s face it, most of us would die in an apocalypse no matter what car we drive. And if you’re going to die, you might as well do it in a stylish Tesla. Amirite?
🎵 “But if the world was ending you’d want a Tesla, right?” 🎵
PS: Teslas are green and awesome and they just might PREVENT an apocalypse or at least halt global warming by a few years. Use my referral link to receive 1,000 free Supercharger miles with the purchase and delivery of a new Tesla car, or earn a $100 award after system activation by purchasing or subscribing to solar panels.
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